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A Very Personal Note to My Community--Again

Hi there. I'm sure you haven't seen me online much of lately. I took some time off to re-evaluate a lot of things. Plus, I've been struggling to find work and I was finally able to. I nearly had to move back in with my mom which I didn't want to do. But I finally found work at the last minute, and I'm able to support myself again, thankfully.

The thing about streaming video games, especially doing a solo job is that the level of politics can get pretty ridiculous. I can't imagine what it's like being on the top of that ladder—everyone wants to be your friend when all they're trying to do is get money out of you. Money changes people, believe me, I've seen it. When you walk into a store wearing a 3-thousand dollar suit and everyone drops what they're doing to give you things, it's a very big change. When suddenly everyone wants you to try their new game, or they want to give you free things for wearing their shirt, it's a scary thing, especially when you come from a background where nobody gives a flying fuck about who you are. Suddenly, because you have stature, people like you. And I hate that. I've been there before.

The problem with streaming now is that you have to work for that stature instead of just getting work in some media company. And often times that means doing a lot of negative shit to people, which is basically what happened in my case. I put a lot of trust into certain individuals to lead the stream team I was on, only to have it disbanded. I don't think it was ever intended to be an actual team, just for someone to use it to get ahead and screw other people over. But I try not to want anything, especially when it comes to making money streaming video games. There are always ethical implications with it that I can't ever seem to reconcile. But I figure I've put a lot of work into it anyways, so why not? It's just there were plenty of signs for me to jump ship and find support elsewhere, and I chose to ignore them because I trusted the people I worked with. Well, I guess in this industry trust is difficult to come by, especially when there's money involved.

streaming video games

Only this time, I'll fully admit that I'm moving everything to Mixer as if you couldn't tell by the logo. There are people I've supported for years, subbed to, hosted, donated to, met in person, shared drinks with, and continually networked with only to see them drop support for me. I'm done wasting my time to get nothing in return, especially with so-called stream teams where there's no camaraderie, just everyone looking out for their selves and their own wallets. Money changes people. I would know, it changed me a lot.

So take this as an apology for not being around. I'll still be on Twitch, just mostly as a viewer because there are broadcasters out there that I still think deserve the money and support, regardless of what platform they're on. But as for me and my house, I think I can find plenty more support and camaraderie on Mixer because I certainly didn't find much of it on Twitch.


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