Skip to main content

A Funny Twitch Stream Mixed with Zelda and a Voodoo-Practicing Hookup


funny twitch stream

I'm a fan of online dating because it's pretty easy. It's the speed equivalent of Hot or Not, and there's even a chance of meeting the person. If you meet a person, there's a chance of sex too, which is always good in my book until you catch the clap or something worse. Wrap before you fap, folks.
This particular date was a little weird because I went to her house where I plundered the depths, if you will, but not after learning the said date I met online (we met at the beach as a date, and then took things further) was apparently really into voodoo. Seriously, she had like these strange bone figures all over her wall and I was starting to get creeped out.
We'll talk about The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild here shortly.
We finished and she didn't look very impressed. A sad day for me since I had the mindset that I would be great for her, but it turned out maybe her inner regions had been so ravaged in the past that my attempts were laughable. It didn't matter though, because shortly after The Finishing, she gave me a pill.
"It's a painkiller. It usually amps me up!"
Like Stormy Waters in Sealab, I said "OKAY" and took it. It didn't amp me up. Instead, I started to really get lofty.
Breath of the Wild is not like any Zelda I've played before. It works pretty well if you're running a funny twitch stream because you can crack jokes in the middle of walking somewhere distant. You can ramble on about bullshit as you're walking across the land until you come across something new, and then you run to discover what it's about.
At first, though, the game isn't forgiving. It kind of points you in a general direction of what to do and where to go, but shortly after that you're kind of fucked. You end up going places that aren't really beginner friendly, and you will die. Constantly. You'll get one-shotted on a consistent basis. That tower you want to secure to open up the map? Yeah that's surrounded by enemies that flit around and zap you if you get too close. So good luck on that front.
But after awhile, you'll start to see that you're gaining traction. You can stand up against the enemies that used to one-shot you. You can even get the towers you weren't expecting. Things start to make sense. And they click together. Breath of the Wild is more about finding the little magical mysteries and seeing how they work. It's much more think, explore, discover, uncover, and win. And yes, you can still have a funny twitch stream while you play it, so nobody is bored. Have fun with it.
After the painkiller started making me drowsy, I decided I would muster the energy to drive home. My rando-fuck wasn't thrilled that I was leaving, but I also wasn't thrilled that she basically drugged me, possibly to knock me out so hard that she'd steal some cash out of my wallet. I made it home safe and sound, but I hope she didn't steal my hair or something to make a goddamn voodoo doll out of me.
The above recount is true. Have an awesome day.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

How to Tell if Someone is Viewbotting (and other malicious things)

There's an aspect of livestreaming video games that gets under my skin a bit. Viewbotting. A lot of streamers have done it in the past. In fact, I once caught someone viewbotting and looked at who the bots were "following." A laundry list of very familiar names showed up, many partnered accounts on Twitch with millions of followers. Well-known streamers making a living. It's definitely abused a lot on streaming platforms, sort of the "black hat" method of livestreaming. Thankfully, nobody I saw listed from those bot accounts was any streamer that I was supporting. I don't bother supporting anyone trying to find "get partnership quick" methods. If you want to build a business out of streaming video games , then please don't bother viewbotting. You'll eventually find you wasted your money and your community will likely abandon you. However, if you feel that someone is viewbotting, here's a few ways you can tell someone is

Mutazione: An Interesting Adventure Game Published by Akupara Games

Mutazione by Akupara Games I'm vaguely reminded of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and his wacky tales with  Mutazione , an interesting adventure game from Akupara Games and developer Die Gute Fabrik. I recently  livestreamed it on twitch  for a few nights and had some remarks about it.    Marquez's largest narrative device was magical realism, and that's what you'll see in a lot of  Mutazione.  Magical realism is a concept where supernatural events happen in the natural world. A lot of that happens in this game, which tells the story of a girl (Kai) that visits a strange island in response to a sick relative's request. That's about as realistic as the game is because once Kai arrives on the island, she's greeted by friendly mutants, humanoid beings, and plants that do a lot more than just decorate the island. The backstory is that a giant meteor hit the island and affected the lives of everyone, changing humans into mutants over the course of many years. Most of the

Alien Isolation: Jumpscares and I Don't Mix

Alien Isolation Jumpscares Yep, that's the alien. If you know me well, you know that I am an incredibly jumpy person. Even a host on my Twitch channel often makes me jump and rear my arm back in defense against...a sound. But that unfortunate disposition hasn't been abundantly public until I played Alien Isolation. JFC, I nearly punched my equipment several times avoiding the alien in that game. As much as the game makes me jump like a 5-year old, I enjoy every minute of it and regret that I hadn't purchased it sooner. I actually downloaded it from the Xbox Game Pass. I think it's a fantastic deal for 15 dollars a month since a lot of titles are swapped in and out. Regardless, my absolute horrid sensitivity to in-game sounds (even non-jumpscare moments make me jump) often serves as a point of entertainment for people on the Twitch channel. In the very beginning moments of AI, I rarely could relax. Puckered butthole? Indeed. Streaming Alien Isolation has been a