The DiZeeZ'D Humor, Video Game, and Videogame Streaming Blog

No, I wasn't going to be operating the phone sex hotline. My voice isn't great enough to do that, but I'm sure they had people behind the scenes that were great at encouraging others to...feel certain things through words of encouragement. But regardless, I thought it was a fantastic opportunity at first. Boy howdy, I was wrong. I looked up what I -thought- was the address to this location and I found it in Santa Monica, a very large building in the center of some metro that I thought would be great to work in. The position was live-in so I actually would have an apartment. That should have been my first red flag, but it wasn't. The second red flag is when they sent me to Olympic and Alameda. I didn't consider it a red flag until I actually arrived at the location. Across the street there were at least ten shopping carts full of homeless people swag. I parked and was very scared. If you're considering twitch streaming Horizon Zero Dawn, it's a bi

I was 18 years old when I hid inside of a woman's bathroom while avoiding police that were roaming the parking lot in a public park. Not quite like this. But close. It was kind of stupid of me and two friends to get a bottle of cheap-ass vodka and go to a public park to get trashed beyond belief. We made screwdrivers because you mix orange juice and vodka. Pretty simple. My natural instinct when I drink with friends is to stay up nearly all night. I tend to have a nocturnal nature, and so while the rest of my friends were passed out from drinking so much, I started wandering around the public park. It was actually a good  idea despite the rest of the decisions. So recently I tried twitch streaming Chicken Assassin, and the game undoubtedly has some strong points. A very clear, progressive ladder towards end-level stuff and a currency that you have to build and gather towards end-game content. Nothing out of the ordinary. A lot of it is actually fun because you get rand

It was some time maybe a few years ago where I discovered a new bar. It was one of those bars that was acceptably dirty, one that just reeked of some kind of gritty-yet-enjoyable smell, but was just happy enough to remind you that life is good. It was probably like midnight when I was enjoying some whiskey, when someone with bolt-on tits and nipples poking a few miles out of her tank top sat next to me. It was pretty obvious her boob job was pretty fucking fake, because I'm sure by her age they weren't supposed to be as massive and self-supporting. She sat down next to me while I cracked off a few jokes. I was her funny entertainment for the night. No Man's Sky has had it's new Next update, and it's turning a lot of heads. A lot. The game completely tanked upon release and many streamers (yours truly included) returned the game because of it's poor depth, repetitive grind sessions, lack of any specific multiplayer as demonstrated by a recorded video, an

Back when I worked in retail, I remember that my Xbox 360 red ringed at some point after playing Mass Effect . It's one of the reasons I never finished the series, and so it left a sour taste in my mouth. I lamented that to a co-worker while I worked in a tech shop. "You want another 360?" A-yuh! "Shake on it!" I reached out my hand—a little nervous—and shook, presumably to a fate that I would regret. "Bring a hundred and fifty tomorrow. Bring it." I don't think I've ever remembered something so strongly in my life.  The next day, I remember walking out to the middle of the parking lot at work to a near-destroyed car that somehow still operated. I shook the hand of Mr. Smiley, as I nicknamed him, and felt a sense of overwhelming dread. Cyanide and Happiness has their own version of a BR game, one that's a lot more simplistic and fun than what you might have tried in the past. Plus, there's not really

I'm a fan of online dating because it's pretty easy. It's the speed equivalent of Hot or Not, and there's even a chance of meeting the person. If you meet a person, there's a chance of sex too, which is always good in my book until you catch the clap or something worse. Wrap before you fap, folks. This particular date was a little weird because I went to her house where I plundered the depths, if you will, but not after learning the said date I met online (we met at the beach as a date, and then took things further) was apparently really into voodoo. Seriously, she had like these strange bone figures all over her wall and I was starting to get creeped out. We'll talk about The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild here shortly. We finished and she didn't look very impressed. A sad day for me since I had the mindset that I would be great for her, but it turned out maybe her inner regions had been so ravaged in the past that my attempts were laughable. It